


A Memory Almost Lost

by Zockerbestha



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anal Sex, Confessions, Kissing, Love, M/M, Pre-Fall (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zockerbestha/pseuds/Zockerbestha
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley were in love in heaven. After the fall, both are told that the other has no memory of their bond. Then they meet again at the wall.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	A Memory Almost Lost

Do you remember everything? I am not talking about a specific part of your life and everything that happened during that time. I mean literally everything. From your very beginning until now. For humans the answer is clear: Of course not. The memories of a child are often lost to time, birth for example is rather fast forgotten, some important events will remain, forming the human into the person they are.

For angels and demons, this is not true. They were formed in the palm of Gods hand, life was breathed into them, her love filling their being. They were created just like God had envisioned them to be. Back then, there were no demons. Every angel remembered their whole life, from being created until the present. Then the fall happened, rebellious angels were cast out, becoming demons, evil creatures of hell. At least Aziraphale was told they were now evil.

The principality was crying, grieving over his loss since he last saw him. Steps were heard behind him, a gentle hand laid on his shoulder, making him cry out even more. “Aziraphale, stop this already and get back to your work” Gabriels tone was harsh and commanding, doing nothing to ease the pain. Aziraphale sobbed, his arms around his stomach to hold himself: “He is gone, Gabriel. [….] is gone!”. The archangel rolled his eyes, coming to stand before him with a stern look: […] got what he deserved. He was going against our lord, against the great plan. You shouldn’t grieve over a lost soul”. “I loved him! It hurts so much, I-I-“ Deep sobs were cutting of his breathing, he wasn’t able to speak more. Gabriel took hold of both of his shoulders, shaking him for a moment to get his attention back to him: “He is gone, Aziraphale! [….] Is a demon now, evil and dangerous, you should be happy that you are save, that he didn’t drag you down to hell with him! He doesn’t deserve to be grieved over, he isn’t even allowed to remember heaven!”. The last part got Aziraphales attention, more tears streaming down his cheeks as he whispered: “He…doesn’t remember? Not even m-me?”. His soulmate, his partner, the love of his life doesn’t remember him? The pain got worse, too much to handle for the principality and he had to sit down on the ground, whimpering. Gabriel sighed and crouched before him, scoffing: “Of course he doesn’t! And it is for the better, […] should never be able to relax in his memories of heaven, it is a punishment too. Now stop crying and get up!”. The archangel yanked him up to his feet, dragging the pathetic display, as he called it, of a principality back to his workspace, forcing him to continue as if he didn’t just lose everything he held dearly.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Crawly watched as Adam and Eve climbed though the great wall of Eden, biting his lips. _I just tempted them to have a little taste and that’s the punishment? Total overkill,_ he thought to himself, looking up at the sky as it slowly turned grey; _But what did I expect of you anyway?_ Pain. Pain was the first thing he felt when he arrived in hell, climbing and clawing his way out of the lake of boiling solver. He crawled on the ground for a long time after his fall, the pain too intense to walk, giving him his new name _Crawly,_ given by his fellow demons who walked. The pain that enabled him to walk wasn’t the physical. Oh no, this was far worse: His heart. A single tear fell down from his serpent eyes at the memory. His angel. _Oh fuck, I love you so much._ Crawly didn’t mean to fall, he only asked questions, why wasn’t he allowed to hear the answer? He remembered the feeling of his angels love, they shared their essences, helped each other through everything. He missed this love more than even Gods. Crawly shook himself free from the memory of the most important thing he had lost, trying to forget his beautiful blue eyes, white fluffy curls and the feeling of his soft skin under his fingertips. He knew he couldn’t escape the memory for long, every day he thought of him. His new master, Lucifer, had heard of the demon who couldn’t even walk, too weak to be of use and decided to talk to him, putting hatred into his heart where love used to be. “Heaven had wiped all memory of our former selves from our brothers and sisters upstairs” the devil had informed him. Crawly cried out, sobs escaping him: “N-No, he can’t-They shouldn’t-AHH!”. Crawly had to brace himself on the tree behind him, shaking and refusing to cry again. This was years ago, he had proved himself in hell, earning him the privilege of performing the first temptation, which is what he just accomplished. He should be happy, why can’t he be happy?!

Crawly let his gaze wander up to the wall, his heart stopping to beat when he saw an angel standing on the eastern gate. _Didn’t…Didn’t this guy have a flaming sword?._ Curiosity almost forced him to slither up the wall, it was a long way up but he figured it would be worth the effort. A part of him was afraid: Even without the sword he could definitely be dangerous, but something inside him told him that he shouldn’t fear the angel, and so he didn’t. On the wall, he shifted back into his human looking form, stretching his wings out behind him and following the angels gaze towards the humans: “Well that went down like a led balloon”. Aziraphale was startled about the sudden appearance of a demon next to him, fear should be his next emotions, but it never came: “S-Sorry, what?”. They both turned towards the other, their eyes meeting. Both were far too startled to see the look of recognition on the others face.

Aziraphales stomach dropped, he wanted to curse at God for playing with his pain but would never dare. _[….]? Oh, no that wouldn’t be his name still, right? Why? Why do I have to see you again, my love? You don’t even know me anymore._

Crawlys mind was blank, except for one word which repeated itself in his head over and over again: _Aziraphale, Aziraphale, Aziraphale!_ He wanted to hug him, kiss him, never let him go again…But then he remembered: _You don’t know me anymore._

Both forgot the conversation they had started for a moment, before they decided to swallow the pain and talk, acting as if nothing had happened. It was the start of 6000 years of walking the earth together, not always of course, but they spent time together when ever they could. Aziraphale tried to stay distant to Crowley, trying to forget his former self, because that wasn’t him anymore! Crowley tried to respect the angels wish of distance, his whole being aching with the desperate need to be with his love again.

Crowley wanted to tell his angels everything, try and make him remember. But he was a demon now, would Aziraphale even want him anymore? No, he probably wouldn’t.

Aziraphale was too afraid to say anything. He wanted to stay with Crowley, fearing that telling the truth about their past would push the demon away. _Can he even love anymore? Or did he forget that too?_

Both decided that they needed to be happy about the little amount of time and small touches they shared, it was all they could ever hope for again.

But then the world was destined to end, and they would be forced to serve a war that neither wanted to happen in the first place. They worked together, adverting the apocalypse and then sneaking their way out of their executions. They felt proud and realised; Now they could be together. No threats of heaven or hell anymore, they were free agents, can do whatever they wanted. It could be so easy if only they wouldn’t fear the rejection of the other.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Crowley took another sip of his wine, staring at the red liquid, deep in thoughts. He wanted to talk about before so, _so desperately._ Fears were clawing at his mind, but as it was usual for when he was drunk; His mouth worked before his brain caught up with it: “I sometimes missed heaven, you know?”. Aziraphale was caught of guard when Crowley began to speak to heaven, looking at him with pity: “W-Was the fall…or more…how terrible was i-it?”. Aziraphale could cry again. In his thoughts he was back in heaven, all those years ago, crying after loosing his soulmate, screaming at the image of him in pain. Crowley shrugged: “To be honest, I can’t really recall most of the fall itself…I remember the tears when I last saw my mate…!”. Crowley wasn’t able to stop himself before he said it. Aziraphale lifted and brown in curiosity: “Your mate?”. The demon blushed and swallowed: “Y-Yeah…Long time ago, don’t think about it”. Aziraphale felt his heart trying to leave his chest, _does he remember?_ “Do I…Know this person?” he asked cautiously. _Do you know him? Do you know yourself?_ Crowley bit his bottom lip, trying to come up with an answer, finding none. Aziraphales stomach twisted but he fought through it: “I had a mate, too…H-He fell”. Crowleys eyes blew wide, he almost fell forward, so surprised he was about the comment. Aziraphale couldn’t hold back anymore, his new freedom giving him the last bit of bravery that he needed: “[…]? Is it really you?”. The demons eyes began to water up, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he was able to speak: “Y-You re-remember?”. The angels blue eyes were tearing up as well, nodding slowly he whispered: “And you r-remember too”. “I-I was told you-you forgot m-me” sniffled Crowley, his hands itching to touch his mate. “I was told the s-same about y-you…When I saw you at-at the wall I-I-“ Aziraphale sobbed out, a small part of him was glad that he didn’t need to breath, because he was crying so hard that it should be impossible.

Crowley got up from the couch, slowly walking over to Aziraphales reading chair, where the angel wept. The demon raised his hand, coming short of touching his angels wet cheek: “C-Can I touch you, angel?”. Aziraphale answered by pushing himself forward, into Crowleys hand and cried out again at the electric touch. Crowley caressed his face, wiping away the tears: “Don’t cry…please don’t cry, my love”. Aziraphale didn’t even realise he had closed his eyes until he now opened them, looking into his lovers gold stare: “I-I love you!”. How long has Crowley longed to hear those words again? “I love you too, angel…Oh, I should have said something at the wall, I should have-!” his words were interrupted by warm, soft lips pressing against his own. Both beings grasped the other, groaning into the kiss, tears falling from both as thousands of years’ worth of fear and yarning came crashing down. Breathless they separated their lips, hot breathes against the others skin as they found each others eyes again, grinning from ear to ear. They nuzzled their faces together, sighing as they finally felt home.

“Crowley? I need you” Aziraphale was startled about his own voice, drained in desire and want. The demon looked at those blue eyes, pupils wide with lust. “Are you sure? I-I…we haven’t done _this_ for so long” Crowley needed to be sure his angel was certain about his request. Fraternizing with demon was one thing, but this? How could Aziraphale ever want him?

The angel nodded franticly: “Yes, my love. Please, _please_ make love to me”. He pressed his lips onto Crowleys, the kiss was hard and demanding, giving Crowley no room for those worries the angel could sense coming from his mate. The bookshop. Never had Crowley thought about the possibility of sleeping with Aziraphale and that it was here, in the home that Crowley could consider to be his own soon, it was perfect.

Stumbling backwards as Aziraphale shot up from his chair, never letting go of Crowleys lips, the demon found himself sitting on the couch again, his lab full of angel. They moaned into the kiss as both shrugged their coats from their shoulders, not even caring to where they landed on the floor. Clothing was getting removed in a haze, their needs demanding, trouser getting tighter by the seconds. Aziraphale shivered as Crowley dragged his nails over the soft flesh of his naked bum, pressing closer to his mate. Both groaned low as their arousals met, rubbing against each other. “I love you, my dear” whimpered Aziraphale as they broke the kiss, smiling as his demon shivered under him when he licked over his snake tattoo. “I-I love you too. Oh _fuck, I love you!”._ A few tears still spilled from their eyes, still not believing that all this was truly happening. Crowley rolled his head back, sighing as Aziraphale wrapped his hand around his hardness, stroking it with no hurry. “I fantasied about this…rather often, if I am being honest” breathed Aziraphale, loving the way his lovers cock fit against his palm. Crowley grinned at him, teasing: “Touched yourself too, I bet”. “Of course” Aziraphale replied innocently, kissing the corner of Crowleys mouth with a smile. He jerked when he felt his actions being reciprocated, Crowley wrapped one hand around his cock and the other began to massage the tight ring of muscle of his entrance. “Breathe and relax for me, can you do that, angel?” Crowley kissed his collarbone and bit it gently, leaving a mark. Aziraphale nodded, his eyes pressing closed from all this pleasure. But he relaxed and didn’t even twitch when a miraculously slick finger pressed into his warmth. “Fuck” Crowley was imagining the tight warmth of his angel around his arousal and had to stop Aziraphale from jerking him off, he wanted to finish with him. Both cocks were left from touch.

A second finger and Aziraphale couldn’t hold still anymore, gently rocking his hips back against Crowleys hand. “More, Crowley _please more”_ moaned the angel, almost crying out again as a third finger was added, stretching him open. “H-Have you ever…done this after…after I left?” Crowley wasn’t sure if he wanted an answer to that. He wouldn’t be mad at Aziraphale, he was alone with his needs. Aziraphale stilled his hips at once, staring down at his demon: “Of course not, Crowley! I-I never wanted any-anyone else but you”. They kissed deeply, tongues dancing with each other as Aziraphale got prepared, their needs getting more intense as time went on.

When he felt like Aziraphale was ready, Crowley retrieved his fingers, using the juices to slick his cock. Aziraphale whined at the emptiness, still rocking his hips as if he could be filled again. Crowley leaned to his ear, licking the shell: “I´m going to _fuck_ you now…alright?”. “Yes!” Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he just said it or if he screamed it in desperation. Crowley chuckled, shifting under his angel to place the head at the now loosened up entrance: “Take a seat, angel”. Aziraphale whined again as he slowly lowered himself down, both breathes caught as Crowley slipped inside with slight resistance. Once Aziraphale was taking Crowley to the hilt, they paused to get adjusted, wet lips meeting again. “You still feel the same” Aziraphale began to rock his hips again, slowly and sensual, no rush needed. Crowley closed his eyes for a moment, savouring the feeling of being inside his mate again: “You still feel so good… _fuck”._ Aziraphale couldn’t resist and claimed the demons throat, biting and kissing it, leaving a mark of his own. _Everyone shall know we belong to the other._ Crowley thrusted his hips up, Aziraphale made a cute squeaking noise, Crowley liked it so much that he thrusted up again, and again and again, relishing every noise his angel made. Aziraphale let Crowley decide the pace, having trust that his demon will take such good care of him. Lips met again, hips moving and twitching. Both felt their peaks near, lost in ecstasy. “C-Crowley! J-Just th-there! Oh lord!” Aziraphale yelped, pushed over the edge and his release washing over him. Crowley felt him constrict around his cock, thrusting and riding each wave of pleasure before he finally spilled deep into his angel, his name screamed in relief. Aziraphale went limp against his body, humming happily when Crowley wrapped his arms around him. Breathes began to even out, pulses calmed down and the stickiness mess between them began to dry. Crowley snapped his fingers, cleaning them both and widening the couch. Slowly Aziraphale rises from his lover, grimacing as Crowleys cock slipped free. They laid down on the couch together, another snap and they were covered by a cosy blanked.

Cuddling closer, their lips met again. When they separated again, Aziraphale caressed his demons cheek in worry: “Are you alright, my love?”. Crowley looked near tears again: “M´sorry angel…I should have never question anything. I-I left you alone, up there with those pricks!”. “Crowley, I am not mad” whispered Aziraphale, kissing his cheek. “You should be…Laying here with a demon, I don’t deserve this…not after everything” whimpered the demon, startled when his angel pinched his arm teasingly. “Crowley, dearest, please listen to me” he began, smoothing touches over the spot he pinched: “I love you. I know you didn’t mean to fall, you know I always wanted you to be happy and I wanted to help you with your desire to know more…maybe if I would have been a bit more brave then I could have fallen with you. Never be separated”. “Hell no!” Crowley pulled him tighter in a protective manner: “You don’t belong down there! No, you were right to stay an angel…I can’t see you fall”. They kissed again. “None of that matters anymore, my love” the angel beamed with joy. Crowley began to grin, following Aziraphales train of thoughts: “Yeah, we still found each other again”.

“I love you”.

“And I love you, angel”.


End file.
